Updated: Sep 28, 2020
As I said, I spent 3 months on my back porch, wrestling with God. Then one day; more like 90 days, there was a revelation. Deep down I know that as God was peeling back layer after layer of limiting beliefs, questions, fear responses, bias about who God is He was also guiding me in His truth and filling me with His answers.
I wish there had been a camera to capture the illuminating moment as I was surrounded by angels bringing me a scroll...
OK, that didn’t happen.
What really happened was this overwhelming sense of peace that came over me for the first time in three months. I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. I felt calm and radiant. I could not stop smiling because I had the answer.
Remember in my blog the Brick Wall, I said this was way before I became a coach and worked with clients. Interestingly, one of the things in my 12 years of coaching that I have learned is where most of us get stuck is that we’re always looking for the solution. We don’t want the journey. We don't want the why? We just want the solution. But the problem is without the journey, without knowing and understanding the why, we will not respect the solution as our answer.
So when the peace came over me, God said, “Are you ready to reclaim your relevance?
Here is what you will have to do”.
Take everybody off the throne and put me back in my rightful place.
Yes, child. Furthermore,
“It is time to take everybody off the throne and put me back in my rightful place. You have spent the past 18 years basically hustling. When someone asks something of you the first thought in your mind is if I say no what will they think. You do this with your husband. Instead of doing what is right and good solely for the sake of right and good you say yes out of fear that he will think you’re not enough if you say no."
"The problem is Christi that you never bring it to me first. I’m the one that created your identity. I’m the one that formed you and know what’s best for you and instead you’re letting the world tell you what’s best for you. Yes, even the people that love you are the ones leading you around with a leash telling you what’s best for you. This is why you hit the brick wall. You will never be able to do enough to please everyone. And every time you do you will lose even more of yourself and stray away from me. Ultimately they become your gods. They are your idols. If you want to reclaim your relevance you must take everybody off the throne and put me back on it. And it starts with your husband.”
To say I was shaking and dumbfounded is an understatement. I knew in my heart this was the problem but it took three months for me to accept it. It took me three months to hear God’s solution. And it took me three minutes to call my husband to tell him we have to talk.
When I called my husband I was so excited. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me and he could tell in my voice. But, he was a little leery about my words. I told him we needed to have a serious conversation tonight when he gets home without the kids. The first thing he said was, “Umm, is everything OK?” I said yeah for me! I can’t wait to share.
Join me next week as I share the conversation I had with Jason and the start of my transformation that ultimately led me to reclaim my relevance.