Last week I shared about MY BRICK WALL. Today I want to share with you what happened to move me from the brick wall towards God's revelation for my life.
I wish I could tell you that in a couple of days it was all worked out.
The truth is it took 3 months, 5 days a week on average, to work through this. God's timing is not always ideal but it is impeccable.
That summer 14 years ago, there were definitely PJ's involved. I was definitely on my porch. Prayer... Well, I can't say it was bow your head style of prayer. More like looking up into the sky or across my back yard and speaking very boldly to God about what I was feeling, not hearing, what I wanted, and trying my best to be patient for answers. Who am I kidding, I was many times YELLING and CRYING.
I spent every morning that summer on my back porch with my Bible and IN my PJs.
Not just an hour in the morning kind of back porch Bible Therapy. Sometimes my husband would come home from work and I would still be in my PJ's on the back porch. Many days I was out back until at least lunch reading the Bible, crying out to God, asking Him direct questions, listening to worship music, writing and writing, and writing.
It would always start with me questioning God about what I was feeling. Then He would take me to a scripture or an event in the Bible to read. Sometimes it would just pop in my mind, other times he would have me turn the pages until I would feel a "stop right there" in my chest. Every time, and I mean every time the truths spilling out from the page would take my breath away. To this day I still don't fully understand how it happens but the truths made me dig deeper, want more, and have even tougher questions.
Honestly, I was waiting for the lightening strike from God with all my questions. He and I were in a battle many days. I was angry and bitter and the only person/being to blame was Him. Not everything was His fault but He definitely had the answers I was looking for and I wanted them. I was stuck and could not get out of this quicksand. It went on day after day, the battle on the back porch. All I can say is His patience with me was astounding.
It's interesting though when you are in the middle of chaos you don't recognize the storm calming around you. You are so intent on surviving that your only focus is just right in front of you but there is a LOT happening around you that you just don't recognize the calm until it is breathing down your neck.
It took almost 3 months for the following to happen:
Stop complaining and start listening.
Open my heart and head to hear God.
Understand who GOD really is in comparison to what the church teaches. (hint.. this comes from reading the Bible and allowing God to speak DIRECTLY to your soul)
Uncover the core limiting beliefs that were holding me back.
Get some answers to my own bias about God.
Agree with God on HIS best plan of action.
Build up my reserves in the word of God so that I am prepared for re-entry.
The AHA came one morning like a rolling mist over an open field. I guess my heart was finally open enough for me to hear God.
What He said to me is..."It is time to Reclaim Your Relevance".
Stay tuned to the next leg in my journey.